Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
