This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
