If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
