He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
