I think my fart just growled at me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize