I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
