youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
