he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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