Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My life is pants optional.
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