He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
