I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
