if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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