the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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