none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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