I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
