I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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