I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
