mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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