I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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