Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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