So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
