I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
