Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
