Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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