i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
