Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
