did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
