My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
