I think i peed on brittanys purse
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
