New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize