If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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