You're completely useless in the revolution.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
