I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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