guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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