He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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