he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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