Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
