Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
