Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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