Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
