i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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