i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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