When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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