yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
