Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
