you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
