The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
