so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
