K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
