The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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