My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
