I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
