from now on my penis is your penis
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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