She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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