I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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