yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
