There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize