So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
