I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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