He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
