so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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