Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
