She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
