I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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