I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
