ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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