I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
