i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
