Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
