It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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