why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize